I'm jealous of your bromance
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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