Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
