You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
