I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
