ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
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