My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
