Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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