I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She even gives head with a lisp.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
