If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
