If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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