he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
No subtext here. People are naked.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Randomize
