I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize
