So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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