Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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