why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
last night I used snow as a chaser
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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