dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
