shes about as inviting as chlamydia
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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