I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
