my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
