Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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