Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
