And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
