He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
