the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
