i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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