dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
