Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
