Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
