Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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