he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
