I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
