she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
