You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
