2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
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