I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
