She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
