i would punch a child for taco bell
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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