just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
