Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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