I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
