I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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