Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
