Someone shit on the floor
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
