Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
