i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize