So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
