a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
