put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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