The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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