Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
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