i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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