His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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