dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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