woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
