Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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