CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
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