Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize