I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
