Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
