He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
