dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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