"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
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I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
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If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize