he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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