He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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