oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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