i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
