He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
