All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
