Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
My friends, they love my intelligence
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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