I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
