This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize