Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
