What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
only you would photoshop your dick
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
