I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
