i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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