Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
